Redeemer

I'd say I've been stuck.  As life continued to be hard and didn't let up, I dug myself a little pit of self-pity.  A couple of weeks ago, I could see I was settling in and getting real comfortable there.  Funny thing about pits, though.  They're not real comfortable.  It's an illusion.  You see, because sin woos us into thinking that it will feed all of our longings AND satisfy.  The reality is that you feed and feed and feed and never feel full.  Sin leaves you alone and wanting.  Jesus is the only one that satisfies.  By His grace, He's lifting my head up and out of the pit to see Truth.  And you know the funny thing about Truth?  It is often painful and yet, somehow, satisfies.  The feeding frenzy ceases and there is peace.  Is it comfortable?  Not really.  But peace in the midst of ANYTHING.

While my words may be less eloquent today, I share them to confess.  I have really struggled the last few months.  And even though I have failed and fallen countless times, my God is a Redeemer.  He has used anything and everything that I offer Him...as selfish and pitiful as it is...and He has begun a new work.

If it is ok, I want to share my journaling today.  It is a prayer to this Redeemer.  Vulnerable and personal, but possibly applicable and needed for another struggling soul out there.  I share today's post not to receive anything for myself, but to solely point anyone who will listen to the One who makes all things new and deserves infinite praise.

2/13/14
"O Lord, what a journey!  As I take a little time today to read over the guest sign in from the funeral and make a list of names for thank you cards, I am reminded of where we were, the journey, and now where we are.  Times of joy over my beautiful angel, times of deep sorrow just missing her, times of intense anger, times of great hope, times of hopelessness, times of peace, times of fear, times of service, times of selfishness and sin.  I'm still learning.  I'm seeing the depth of my own depravity, my great need for You, and the amazing revelation that you REDEEM all things for those who trust in You to do so.  You are the only one that can.  Yes, Redeemer is Your name!  Praise You, Father, that You redeem.  What a mess I would make without Your grace to cover all.  I feel peaceful today and I'm incredibly grateful for that.  I see there is room to step away to grieve and rest, but also much room to step in, grow and get busy with the work that still needs to be done.  There's a letting go process at work within me-mostly a letting go of trying to be perfect and trying to prove my worth to You and others.  I MUST FOLLOW YOU, REST IN YOU, AND FIND MY VALUE IN YOU ALONE.  I am desperate for You to not leave me unfinished.  There is much work for You to still do in me!  Thank You that the gospel tells me You HAVE SAVED ME, YOU ARE SAVING ME, AND YOU WILL YET SAVE ME!  Praise You for Your goodness and grace towards Your people-including me.  Thank You that Your Spirit comforts me by telling me, "There is more.  There is more to your story, Child.  Stay with Me.  We have work to do.  Oh, but trust Me!  The ending is good!" You are kind, God.  You are gracious, Father.  You are merciful, Lord.  You are patient, Redeemer.  You are mighty, Savior.  You are mine.  And I am Yours, Lover of My Soul.  You are the Lifter of My Head--my favorite name for You.
                                                                   Thank you.
                                                                   Grow in me more gratitude.
                                                                   In Jesus's Name,
                                                                   Amen."