Dear All,
It seems like so long since I have written you. So much has happened, so much has changed, so much has been learned...
It still is difficult to put words to all that I have experienced, whether in the flesh or just in my heart and spirit. So many thoughts I have processed, trying to understand all that is.
Grief is an interesting and difficult journey, full of sharp turns, rises and falls. No predictability...no reasoning your way through it. It just is. My dear friend says, "Grief is hard work, but you have to do your work." I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. And for those of you that are concerned about me...rest assured that I am doing my work. There's no way to describe that work when you are asked, "Are you doing ok?" For truly, to say that I'm improving or that there are good days or even that I'm making progress feels painful...like somehow I am leaving Caroline behind. And so, I just answer,"I'm doing my work."
I am grateful to the Lord for showing me faithfully so many glimpses of purpose in all of this. I am seeing how the Lord has given her life ultimate purpose in His kingdom...to bring Him glory in all of her days. She didn't have as many days as the rest of us, but she has surely brought Him glory in the days that she did have. I believe the Father has indeed told her, "You did good, sweet baby."
I want to take this time to sincerely thank all of you who have diligently prayed for us, hugged us, sent cards or memorial items, purchased books on our behalf, and brought meals to us. I have never experienced the Body of Christ quite like this. I am so grateful for all of you being so willing to be His Hands and Feet. Someone told me while I was in the hospital to rest in the comfort of our Lord, but then continued by saying to also rest in the comfort of the people He was sending us. Indeed it was so comforting to know that not only does He comfort us, which is real, but oh so invisible...He sends His help in very visible forms too. It's amazing to me that even now I am still receiving cards from people...some that I don't even know. Furthermore, last week was my last week receiving meals...that's 24 weeks of meals!!!! Unbelievable! I cannot even begin to tell you how much they blessed us! In times like this, it is just so difficult to even think of a grocery list, let alone go to the store and come home with meals that make sense! Then you have to actually cook them! Ha!
In addition, I'd like to thank all of you who diligently text and call, checking on me. I am so grateful for your grace toward me in understanding when I don't call back or I'm not up to meeting. You have not given up on me and your continued notes of encouragement are exactly like the Lord's arms around me and His voice saying, "It's going to be ok". Thank you. It makes a difference.
I mostly just wanted to just share with you the importance of what you are doing and have done. If I have learned anything, I've definitely seen that there is much suffering in this world. As I look around feeling like people all around me don't know what I've been through, the Lord immediately reminds me that I don't know what they're going through either. People's lives are sacred ground. We tend to be so quick to judge others...how they should be, or how they should act...truth is we don't know the intricacies of their lives that make them who they are. This is what makes God's grace so remarkable. He knows us, all of our failures, all of our disappointing choices, all of our pain...and He so kindly, so fully, so amazingly loves us. It is a lesson to us to show grace to one another, knowing that we don't fully know eachother's "stuff".
Thank you for showing love, kindness, patience, and just pure goodness towards me and my family. We love you all.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Amy
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