10.06.12 – Caroline Elise Allen Funeral
This morning we are here – looking back on a journey that began at the beginning of the year when Chad and Amy Allen found out they were pregnant. For many of us – that journey was shared when they sent out an e-mail in early May…announcing that they were having their third daughter…and it was also on that day that we learned her name: Sweet Caroline.
Two weeks later – Amy sent out another email that confirmed Caroline would be born with Downs Syndrome…and over the past many months – they kept us updated on her progress…through texts, conversations and emails…This week I went back and read through those e-mails that culminated with the one they sent out a week ago.
Amy wrote: The morning took on a life of it's own that was nothing we had planned. Amidst dark sonogram rooms, empty hospital halls, quiet prep rooms, I was in complete awe of how quickly our little worlds can change. One minute we are planning, the next we are empty handed and completely confused. Caroline left us this day...so quietly.
But what struck me as I re-read the e-mails - was not the ever-changing circumstances over the past many months - from joy to uncertainty – from fear to hope – from resilience to grief - that was peppered throughout their correspondence…
No – what struck me was the thread that was ever present – it was the honest and truthful confession that the Allen’s made throughout these last many tumultuous months. It was the faithfulness that was displayed – that obviously anchored this family – as they were being tossed back to and fro.
Let me share – a little bit - some of what was written:
From an E-mail back in May: Based on the test results and all information that we have gathered to this point, it is 99% positive that Caroline has Downs Syndrome. Is God big enough to change this outcome? Of course! God can and may do whatever He pleases! If He chooses to surprise us in October with no Downs, praise Him! But, if He chooses not to? WE WILL PRAISE HIM!
In another e-mail: When I found out I was pregnant, I was overcome with joy! Whatever He chooses--whether to give us a child or not, whether it would have a special need or not--I will trust Him.
She goes on: I tell you all of this for many reasons, but one is to share with you the meaning of this sweet unborn child's name. From this journey of song and Scripture, the Lord led me to the meaning of the name Caroline...song of joy. She is our song of joy…
And really Joy is the perfect name for this child. And I say that because the joy that the Allen’s wrote about and talked about and lived – is an authentic expression of what they have experienced. But the experience I am referring to is an experience that can only occur in Christ.
To understand what it means to have authentic joy the first thing you must understand is that authentic joy is part of the essence of what it means to be a Christian.
In the Gospel of John chapter 16 Jesus tells us: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy
This is a fact – what we are being told by Jesus is this: if you've met Christ you will rejoice and its not a joy that can be taken from you. Nor is it a joy that is ultimately dictated by circumstances – simply because it’s a joy that will not pass away.
And the reason why Christians possess a joy that cannot be taken from away is that authentic joy is a Characteristic of Jesus himself.
Jesus testifies of himself in John 16: 30 I was filled with delight day after day…rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.
Now the word in the Scripture that we translate into the English as “delight” is a word that actually means to frolic – to jump up and down and to clap hands…
Jesus frolicking? That doesn't seem very dignified – but it is - because the joy He has and gives to us is a holy and majestic joy…
And the point in telling you this is that nobody who really knows God is without that kind of joy. But – this authentic joy that comes from knowing Christ – its not a joy apart from sorrow.
To often people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite of Joy is sorrow. That to have the kind of joy described by Christ - is a joy void of sorrow and suffering. That is a false understanding.
There is this misconception that when we turn to God - somehow sufferings and sorrow will go away…but here me on this - there is nothing in Scripture that gives us a promise of that…As a matter-of-fact – in many respects - to be like Christ is to live a life of suffering…And so the opposite of joy is not sorrow.
In fact scripture tells us that The opposite of joy is hopelessness.
Paul writes about this in his letter to the Thessalonians. I Thess. 4:13 - 13 Brothers, we do not want you to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.
Now some take that to mean that Paul is saying – well Christian - you shouldn't grieve - because you now have hope! But that's false.
He's saying Christians have a different kind of grief…Christians rub their grief into their joy – their grief is enveloped by their joy…and why? Because of their hope in Christ.
You see there is a joy that does come whenever we get things that we really think will make our lives great...there is an immediate joy that comes when we get what we think we want…And its different for everyone…
But it’s a joy that doesn't last - it’s a joy that because it passes - its not authentic - by definition it’s a joy that is counterfeit…
Authentic Joy is the result that can only come with the assurance of salvation in Christ…and the assurance of your salvation comes not by your good deeds but by grace alone.
The Allen’s displayed this kind of authentic joy in the midst of their own suffering…listen again to their testimony. Amy wrote:
I began to have dreams/nightmares that would keep me up at night…And so I again began to wrestle with God about my fears. When the first test result for Downs came back abnormal, I grieved...I trusted, but I grieved. When the second test came back abnormal, I grieved more. But through all of this…I felt strongly God's presence and His peace.
My grieving did not for one minute lead to doubt in the goodness of my God. I knew without a doubt that He is good and I can trust Him to do what was right. My grieving was really a letting go of what I held as my picture of who my child would be.
The Lord has covered me in His peace and lifted my heart to a place of joy…The Truth is that God has been so good to me. In the midst of all of this, when my words were so few, He gave me songs to connect with Him. One of them is "So, so good to me" that we sing at church often. These are the lyrics:
I waited patiently upon the Lord / And He inclined and heard my cry / He pulled me up out of the miry clay / He set my feet upon the Rock / He gave me beauty for ashes and joy for my mourning / And praise for heaviness / He put a new song in my mouth and a crown upon my head/ He gave me life forevermore
Do you hear that? Beauty for ashes / joy for mourning / praise for heaviness…its not beauty in spite of ashes or joy in spite of mourning / or praise in spite of heaviness.
The Allen’s declared that through their own season of suffering (not in spite of it): that God had authentic praise with a New Song that He gave them: They began to claim Psalm 40 verse 3: He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. (Psalm 40:3)
Do you hear the joy that envelopes the sorrow?
Now for a lot of you – you've witnessed the Allen’s lives – you've heard their words - but you look at yourself – and you think – there’s no way – I could do that. How is it possible to lose a child and still have that confession?
Anyone who knows me – knows the answer to that question – Look to the Cross. Here we see not only what Jesus had to do – think about that – we are so sinful that it took nothing less than God’s own son to die for our sins…but we also see what Jesus wanted to do. He loves you so much and delights in you so much – he frolics at the very mention of your name…that he was willing to die for you.
And this is what separates Christianity from all other religions. You see no religion or philosophy can fully answer – why does this happen? But rather then giving us an airtight answer – God did something better – he gave us an airtight person.
We worship the only God who can look upon a family who has lost a child – and say I get it. Me too…
Oh yeah – well if God is so good – he would look upon this tragedy and his heart would break…look at the Cross – his heart did break – for you.
Only when we embrace the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (and to the degree that we embrace the death and resurrection of Christ) – will we experience a joy like no other – and even as we go through terrible suffering – we will have a peace and joy that can never be taken away.
So where do we go from here? For Caroline – her race was over before it started. But it’s not the end for her – in Christ - its just the beginning…
But now what about you? Do you have a new song to sing? A joy that can never be taken away? As we close – let me offer a final thought from one of Amy’s emails. This is what she wrote:
From here, the journey is unknown. But isn't it always? It's all a walk of faith. Whether your child has Downs Syndrome or not, we trust Christ…because the one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.
She concludes by writing: I am grateful that He knows what is best, for I wouldn't have chosen this. I am so humbly grateful that instead of leaving us in a place of comfort-seeking, He is challenging us to see life in a new way...to see blessings in a new way. Refinement is good...hard, but good. We want His refinement. I don't want to live for me, myself, and I. I want whatever He has planned…because it is better. This I know.
Let us pray.
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